I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
