Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just found puke in my bra..
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
