Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
