Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have aggressive nipples.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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