The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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