I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize