KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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