it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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