I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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