so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
