What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
