This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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