I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
