The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
