Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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