McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
