Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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