You were right. It hurts to walk today.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
