Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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