Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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