We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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