remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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