You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
