I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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