You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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