it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
