No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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