Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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