Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
