im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
