ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You pole danced in your parka.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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