shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
