I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
