There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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