i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
nutella sex= disaster
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
