I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
