he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
