So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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