i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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