The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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