i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
