Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
