Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
