You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
