She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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