So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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