Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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