and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
