he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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