I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
