Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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