Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
