shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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