I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
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It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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