i just had sex bonerless
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
