dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize