actually, I'm a sock model
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
