I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
50% drunk capacity currently
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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