It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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