And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
