margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
