I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
