She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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