sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed