Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.