I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
it's like iHOP with fire
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"