is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.