I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?