He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
