She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it glows. i had to have it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
