We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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