she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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