Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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