My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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